Confidence Feels Like Sh*t with Erika Cramer aka The Queen of Confidence

I am still in shock that Erika Cramer aka The Queen of Confidence is this week's podcast guest. I have so much gratitude for our community and opportunities like these to chat to someone I've admired for so long.


Erika is an international confidence coach, 5-star podcast host and now the best-selling author of her book Confidence Feels like Sh*t. In this episode, we're discussing the truth about confidence and what it really takes to create it.


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@bybrookelindsay & @thequeenofconfidence


Connect with Erika


In today's episode we discuss:

  • Erika's journey to becoming a confidence coach, 5-star podcast host and now best-selling author!

  • Dealing with grief

  • Practising self-love and acceptance

  • Confronting your ego

  • How to genuinely connect with others and build your community

  • How to become a coach

  • How to juggle family, kids and running your business without financial stress

  • How to overcome a breakup and more!


About Erika Cramer


Erika connects with an engaged global community (The Sistahood) and shares with tens of thousands of women on a daily basis to help empower, encourage and inspire them to step into their confidence. 

But it hasn’t always been this way. Having survived many traumatic experiences in her youth, Erika spent a number of years searching for love, peace and validation in all the wrong places. She has survived childhood sexual abuse, being brought up in and out of the foster care system, life-altering car accidents and a whole lot of grief and loss.

In the last decade or so, she has been able to turn her life around from one of hopelessness and pain to one of passion, growth and success, after going on her own powerful journey of personal healing.

An international confidence coach, Erika also hosts a five-star-rated podcast, The Confidence Chronicles, which is in the top 10 of the Australian Apple charts for Mental Health, with 800,000+ downloads and counting, and listeners in 60+ countries.

She has created a six-figure global business from absolutely nothing, by mentoring and helping those who have suffered similar life experiences as her own.

Erika’s story is one of triumph over adversity and she is full of light, laughter and of course, confidence. Erika is a beaming and beautiful example of how you can heal your personal story to transform trauma into triumph.


Confidence feels like sh*t!


When asked about her book and what it truly means to be confident, Erika replied "people seem to think we should just wish we were more confident and all our problems will go away. People wonder why the confident women over there, is so confident? It must be something that they're drinking or eating or that they're special."


"Confident people are the popular ones, the pretty and thin ones. NO! Anybody who I love and look up to, I know for a fact that they doubt themselves. I know that Beyonce questions if she's good enough. I know that Oprah thinks "is what I did good?" Even Tony Robbins! Everybody experiences what you're experiencing around insecurity and self-doubt because it's a thing called The Human Condition and none of us can escape it but it is a humbling and beautiful thing."


"Confidence feels like shit because when you go to do something air quotes "confident", you're moving through yucky emotions, like self-doubt, fear, looking stupid, messing up, having people say stuff about you or getting you wrong." - Erika Cramer

"You have to move through all of that and then you finally do the thing, and you nail it and you're like, 'yes. I'm amazing' for one second, but you forget all the shit you had to go through to feel amazing, to feel deep-rooted confidence," Erika concluded.


How to be confident during a global pandemic


Erika explained that "as much as this year has been hard to navigate, we weren’t able to hide from ourselves. We can be our worst enemy and our minds consume us with how we’re not good enough, how life is horrible or we can just be numb, working and busy all the but. But 2020 has forced us to look in the mirror and do the inner work."


"We’ve been locked at home and it’s really showed us a lot of things we hadn’t taken the time to look at. Maybe you’re in the wrong relationship or you hate your job or maybe you want to live somewhere else, and we haven’t been able to hide from that."


"Our hearts and souls are trying to get out attention which can be uncomfortable because it can come from a place or anxiety, depression or fear and in the past, we’ve been able to shove those emotions down and keep going because life distracts us, but 2020 was a loud knock on the door. Taking the time to do the inner work in 2020 is what will make us more confident in who we are and what we truly want from life."


How to genuinely connect with other women


"One of my favourite messages to receive is a woman straight-up fangirling, sending voice messages basically like, “hey can we be friends because I think you're cool”. Reach out and ask her to be your friend as a heartfelt, soulful person, and work on building genuine connections."

Erika's top tips for connecting with others and getting their attention:

  1. Genuinely like them

  2. Care about them and their work

  3. Take an interest in them and what they're doing

  4. Whenever you do spend time on social media, spend time on their account instead of just mindlessly scrolling

  5. Add value to their lives

  6. Listen to their stuff, comment, share and like it!

"You will become engraved in their subconscious so you will become familiar to them, then when you ask them "Hey would you mind..." they don’t mind giving you something back. But you have to add value first before you ask for anything in return."


Self-love and acceptance


When asked about her self-love journey Erika says, "when it comes to practising self-love, I love listening to Byron Katie because she talks about the monkey mind and questioning what you think."


"It’s realising that the things you think are just a thought and you’re not your thoughts. Doing the mindset work and moving through who I am and who I’m not, has allowed me to not believe anything negative I think about myself or my work."

"I openly talk about the fact that I love my stomach but right now, I don’t love how it looks. I’ve had two kids and a hernia so it’s a weird situation and I’m all about loving yourself but the reality is when I go to the beach I would love for it to be flatter. So how do we appreciate our body and want to change it with love versus hating it and wishing the thing that I hate would do what I want?"


"I’m able to understand that I’m not my body or my physique, it’s apart of me but you are so perfect and so amazing as you are and shift and change and ask yourself what’s important to you and really have boundaries for people and your self-love going to the next level."


"Self-love not about having a bath and doing your nails, that’s wellness which is great but self-love is loving yourself when you mess up, when you get it wrong when you’re in the pitt of shit, can you love your mistakes because that is self-love".

Confronting your ego


When asked what she's had to overcome on her journey, Erika says that "a massive learning experience in my journey has been realising that I need to get over always needing to be right. I used to always think I’m right and they’re wrong, I need to win because I’m a Gemini and I’m very quick on my feet usually but I’ve learnt how to allow myself to be wrong and let my ego take a back seat".


"Realising how I had to have the last word and prove my point or punish my toddler when he was doing something wrong, like what is that about?"


"The more I've challenged my ego, the more I’ve noticed my spicy Latina ass started to calm down and instead of always being right I allow others to have the last word and believe what they want because we’re all on our own journey."


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